Calgary Psychologist Talking About The 90-Second Rule

You know that moment when someone cuts you off in traffic, and you feel your entire body light up with anger?
Your hands tighten on the steering wheel. Your jaw locks. Your mind starts narrating every injustice you’ve ever endured since 2008.

But here’s the thing — the chemical surge of that emotion, the literal biological wave of it — only lasts about 90 seconds.

After that, if you’re still angry, it’s because your mind kept feeding the flame.

The Science (in plain English)

Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, in her research on brain recovery and emotional regulation, observed that when a feeling gets triggered — say anger, fear, or shame — there’s a physiological wave that floods your body for roughly a minute and a half.
That’s the time it takes for stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol to surge, circulate, and dissipate — if you don’t keep re-triggering them with thoughts.

After those 90 seconds, your nervous system is ready to reset.
But most of us — instead of letting the wave pass — build a story around it:

“Why would they treat me like that?”
“This always happens.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t say something.”

And just like that, we hit “refresh” on the emotional storm. Again. And again.

A Metaphor You’ll Remember

Imagine you’re standing in the ocean.
A wave hits you — cold, strong, surprising. That’s the emotion.
If you tense up, fight it, and thrash around, you stay stuck in the churn.
If you plant your feet, breathe, and let it roll over you — it passes.
That’s emotional regulation.

Your goal isn’t to stop the waves; it’s to stop turning them into tsunamis.

A Story From the Therapy Room

A client once told me, “Once I get anxious, it’s game over.”
We timed it. Literally.
When she felt panic rise, she looked at the clock and just noticed the sensations — tight chest, fast breathing, racing thoughts — without adding new thoughts to the mix.
At 1 minute 27 seconds, she exhaled, smiled, and said, “It’s gone.”
That was the moment she realized: emotions are meant to move through, not move in.

How to Use the 90-Second Rule in Daily Life

1️ Notice the surge.
Label it gently: “I’m feeling anger right now.” That simple naming activates the prefrontal cortex — the thinking part of your brain — which helps regulate emotion.

2️ Breathe through the wave.
Slow, intentional exhale (longer than the inhale). This signals your nervous system that you’re safe.

3️ Resist the urge to think.
For 90 seconds, don’t tell the story. Don’t justify. Don’t replay.
Let your body complete its biochemical loop.

4️ Reflect afterward.
Once calm returns, then ask: “What was this emotion trying to tell me?”
Emotions are data, not directives. Once they’ve passed, you can decode them clearly.

Why This Changes Everything

When you realize that most feelings are temporary waves, not permanent storms, you stop fearing them.
You start trusting yourself to ride them out — and that changes your relationship with anger, anxiety, sadness, everything.
You can’t always choose what you feel, but you can choose how long you stay there.

The 90-second rule doesn’t mean emotions are unimportant.
It means they’re messages, not prisons.

Try This Today

Next time you feel triggered — anger, sadness, embarrassment — glance at a clock.
Tell yourself:

“This is a 90-second wave. I can stand still and let it pass.”

Breathe. Notice. Don’t add new fuel.
When the wave settles, choose your next thought deliberately.
That’s emotional freedom — not absence of feeling, but mastery of duration.

If emotional regulation is something you want to master — especially under pressure, leadership demands, or high-performance environments— book a clarity session today: Calendly