Calgary Psychologist Talks About Why We Remember Moments, Not Days
You don’t remember every minute of your last vacation.
You remember the sunset dinner that took your breath away,
and the hour you sat in the airport when your flight got canceled.
Everything else? Gone.
That’s not bad memory — that’s your brain doing triage.
It doesn’t record life evenly. It highlights the most intense moments (the peaks) and the way it ended (the end).
Everything in between gets blurred into background noise.
The Science (Simplified)
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman discovered that when people recalled an experience — whether painful or joyful — their overall memory of it wasn’t based on the average of all the moments.
It was based almost entirely on:
- The peak — the emotional high or low point.
- The end — how it finished or resolved.
This is the Peak–End Rule.
Your mind isn’t a video camera; it’s a storyteller.
And stories need climaxes and conclusions.
A Relatable Example
Think about your last breakup.
You don’t replay the quiet Tuesday dinners or the normal weekends.
You remember the big fight (the peak)
and the moment you said goodbye (the end).
Or take childbirth — in studies, mothers often describe labor as painful, yet overall “positive.”
Why? Because the ending — holding the baby — overrode the memory of discomfort.
Our emotional “editors” shape memory so that what stands out isn’t how long something lasted, but how it felt at its most intense and how it wrapped up.
The Hidden Lesson
This rule doesn’t just explain memory — it offers a practical hack for designing better days, better relationships, and even better therapy sessions.
If people remember moments, not durations, then:
- The high points matter more than perfect consistency.
- The way something ends defines how it’s remembered.
A client won’t remember every minute of a therapy session — they’ll remember the moment they felt seen and how they felt walking out the door.
A child won’t remember every family trip — they’ll remember the one time you laughed until you cried and the hug before heading home.
A Story
A man once told me he hated running. Every jog felt like punishment — until his smartwatch died mid-run.
Without the data, he simply slowed down near the end and walked the last block under a bright pink sky.
When he got home, he caught himself thinking, that wasn’t so bad.
He didn’t realize it, but he’d just changed the end — and his brain rewrote the entire experience.
Next week, he ran again.
The run didn’t get easier. The memory did.
How to Use the Peak–End Rule in Daily Life
1️ Engineer a Peak Moment
Don’t wait for it — create it. Add one highlight to your day: a genuine conversation, a beautiful meal, a sunset pause.
It doesn’t need to be long; it just needs to feel real.
2️ End Intentionally
However your day, workout, or conversation goes, close it with intention: gratitude, humor, or a slow breath.
The way you end is how your brain will remember.
3️ Re-frame the Ending
Bad day? End it with comfort — a warm shower, a call to a friend, a few minutes of stillness.
You can’t always change the peak, but you can choose the ending.
4️ Apply it to Relationships
After a tough conversation, make a repair attempt — even a simple “I care about you.”
The last emotional impression often defines the story of the whole interaction.
Why This Matters
Your life is made of moments, but your mind keeps the summary version.
So if you can shape the highlights and close each chapter with grace, you don’t just change how you feel — you change how you’ll remember feeling.
The brain edits, but you get to direct.
And every day, you get a new ending to write.
Try This Today
Tonight, before bed, take 60 seconds to add one good ending to your day — a stretch, a kind text, or jot down one thing that made you smile.
That’s the memory your brain will file away.
And when you look back on today, it’ll remember not the chaos — but the calm.
Book a session today: https://calendly.com/neuropsychandcounselling/30min